I feel like this is the only real place i can pour my heart out without people judging me. My personal…diary kind of thing where i can say what ever i want and people i know who really wants to know me, if they look hard enough can find.
So. lets start with something small.. I’ve liked this girl, for quite a while. probably since september/october last year. Thing is she had a boyfriend at the time who didnt treat her right, treated her like shit, and hurting her almost everyday. She’d come to me to comfort her, and i’ll be there, but as a friend. It was killing me inside that she was hurting so bad. He didn’t deserve her. But she still wanted to be with him. So, i had to suck up my pain, and help her get what she wanted, but also in the mean time warn her. months past, i thought i had given up. I tried to move on, i thought i did. until i realised i just did things to keep my mind off the topic. But every single time i thought about her. there you go. it happened all over again, i fell for her. harder and harder everytime. i even tried going out more, hooking up with randoms, having one nighters, trying to find a girl. Then came the second year of my uni life. i met this other girl, she was pretty, funny, laid back, someone who i thought could be the solution to all this, so i had a crush on this girl. for a few months. Then the unthinkable happened. One of my bestfriends liked her as well. See the thing with me is, i’d rather someone elses happiness over mine. so i gave up chasing after that girl so that my bestfriend could have her. After a few weeks, i thought about the girl who i had liked for so long, and realised that all i was doing was trying to bury that feeling deep inside me. it didnt work. so i decided to give her another shot. She’s single now, over her ex. I thought to myself, well heres the chance, So 3 days ago was her birthday, i gave her a suprise visit at night with 2 sundaes to wish her a happy birthday so she wasnt alone on her birthday, i then took her out the next day and treated her, showed her around. There she met one of my bros for a brief moment. I didnt think much of it and then continued with my day. The next day, i found out that they were hanging out, to be honest, yes i was jealous and confused at the same time, but hey, hes my bro so i cant hate him, and its not like i own her so im happy for her to do whatever she wanted. That night i decided to tell her my feelings, She reacted the best way possible. but she told me that she fell for my bro, crack. there goes my heart again, but i was happy for her, cause i know he’ll treat her right, and that we can still be close friends, like we used to be, and because of that im fine with it, im happy that she is happy. i guess i just need to find a way to bury these feelings deep inside me again. hoping that it will not surface anytime soon.
And there you go. My love life for the past year. I really hope that she doesn’t read this, because i only told her that it was only recently i started to like her. I dont want to ruin their relationship because of stupid me. Because im one of those guys…that puts others happiness, over my own.